Thoughts about how I feel right now

For the most part I feel pretty damn good. But I can go up and down pretty quickly, and some things seem to be triggering my dysphoria.

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Cool, Calm, Suicidal

I guess I’ve felt this way for a couple of decades. I honestly would just rather be dead than have to deal with life. The last two years I’ve started therapy and medication, and I really do feel better day-to-day, but I really just don’t see any point to it all. My life is about half over and not much is going to change in the second half. And honestly if I have another 40 years of this, I don’t see a point in doing either another day of this. I don’t always feel like killing myself, but I don’t remember ever going to bed, and not wishing I’d die in my sleep.

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I dont know, maybe I need to be hospitalized?

This is scary to talk about, even to a bunch of Internet strangers.

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My Nervous Breakdown Part 2

I have a question about social anxiety and panic attacks, feel free to skip to the question at the end

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My Nervous Breakdown Part 1

I feel like I need to apologize for everything. For 2 consecutive, crazy long posts. For being a hypocrite because if I read what you’re about to read I would tell the poster to go the hospital and I’m not going to the hospital no matter what. For the language. For the spelling mistakes and the lack of editing. Mostly just for fucking existing.

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Not Allowed To Show Emotion

I’m sorry, this is very long, and not exactly anxiety related - except that I think I’m having a severe panic attack right now. Despite how it may sound, I’m not in any physical danger right now, I’m not having suicidal thoughts or making plans, so please don’t worry too much for me. This is just my fucked up way of trying to express my emotions…

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